4-4-2008

Okay, I think its time to put this whole thing to bed. But first, I have to make a confession- there were no absolute falsehoods in the list. When I sat down to write the blog I intended to include one fake story but I discovered that I was not actually creative enough to concoct a believable lie. So as it got later and later I gave up and said the April Fool's joke will be having no fake story, they will all be real. Now of course, I am regretting that decision because I feel like I am letting you down. You were all such eager guessers, what fun is April Fool's if nobody is laughing in the end.

There were some half truths though! Does that count?

- For instance, the much talked about smack to the head did indeed happen but it occurred about two months ago. There is a young cleaning lady in our building who often makes friendly small talk with me, although I never know what she is saying. I am certain whatever it is she is saying is not in English or Malay though it resembles both. I indulge her because she always smiles and lights up when she sees me so I figure who cares what is actually being said. That was until she hit me. Then I started wondering if her smiles are a mask for all the mean things she is saying to me or maybe she can't help smiling because she enjoys saying horrible things to me as I smile dumbly back at her.
Anyway, one day in the middle of one of our awkward conversations she takes the heel of her hand and whacks me alongside the head. She hit me hard and stunned me but I did nothing but smile like I completely understood why she did it. I mean she was smiling at me?!? I thought we were discussing my new hair cut before she whacked me but she added jatuh, which means fall (that is if I understood her correctly), after the hit. Huh?? Was there a bug, I thought. I saw none at my feet and it would have been a big bug for a whack that hard. Then I thought maybe I was just cursed by her and all my hair was going to fall out- thankfully it did not. So I am left puzzling to this day about why it happened and when I run into my strange friend I am always sure to stand out of arm's reach. I really do wonder is she crazy or was there some explanation for the whole thing that I just missed?

- As for Ben and his Aunties this is indeed true. In Malaysia, it is common practice to use familial nicknames when addressing friends and acquaintances. Its both a show of respect, as the chosen nickname reflects differences in age, and a way of forging intimacy with people outside your direct family. However, I have a suspicion Ben might use it for another purpose - he forgets their names. He does dig Auntie Yap, he says she has moxie, but she is not the only strokie on his crush list. There is also Auntie Soo, Auntie Lo, and Auntie Wan. He's not too discriminating.

- Another misnomer in my list is the suggestion that we bought an expensive mattress. For Ben and I it was expensive, 3x as much as we spent on the first one, but expensive is a relative term. You actually would not believe what we have survived on for a year and a half in Malaysia, its hard to come back to the US actually. Anyway, the 'expensive' mattress was a little over 300USD.

- Now badminton is technically a sport and Ben and I have bought ourselves a pair of rackets and swatted the shuttlecock around in the park but I am not sure if you can call what we are doing a sport. I, for one, am so embarrassingly bad that my Malaysian friends were actually appalled at my performance - no encouraging words, just horrified faces and offers to replace me. Additionally, we have begun with the recreational style of badminton found in parks all over Malaysia. There is no net, no rules, no score, just hit the shuttlecock back and forth until you tire and then rest. In this form it may even be less of a sport than Andy's mothminton, which at least has a general aim. I bet you Andy can tell you the most moths he has killed in one mothminton game. I'd bet that most recreational badminton enthusiasts in Malaysia could not tell you how many times they hit the shuttlecock back and forth or if there was a 'winner'.

As for the rest, to the best of my knowledge, its all true. As for me, I promise no more lying or tricking on the blog.